FISH

‘’KING(FISH)ER — kingfisher’s have large heads, long, sharp, pointed bills, short legs, and stubby tails. Most species have bright plumage.

Most kingfishers are usually thought to live near rivers and eat fish.

They catch their prey usually by swooping down and grabbing the fish with its bill’’

My story is about a KINGFISHER Inderjeet Singh and his FISH Ajay Valiya.

Inderjeet worked as a private financial consultant investigating financial frauds. Based in India he had travelled from Mumbai to London on a very special assignment for his employers.

They were a consortium for the 13 Indian Banks that were trying to recover a debt which included around Rs 9000 crores by an absconding promoter.

The person he was investigating was an airline magnate Ajay Valiya who had fled to London and had to be extradited.

Inderjeet had a very busy ten days in London and following up on a transaction lead he had travelled to Liverpool just for a day.

Travelling light with a small suitcase and his laptop he had arrived from London early morning and was booked on a train back to London Euston the next morning.

In Liverpool it was a morning meeting followed by a working lunch meeting.

His meetings were very successful and he had managed to plant the baits for the FISH.

It should soon attract the fish.

He prided himself on his expertise.

He was fishing for the ‘’KING OF GOOD TIMES’’

He was truly a ‘KING’ FISHer.

As he had the evening free his secretary had booked a pre theatre dinner reservation at a nice restaurant and managed to reserve the Darren Brown’s UNDERGROUND show ticket for him.

As it would be a long day she had also made reservations for the night stay in a boutique hotel.

Inderjeet Singh stepped out of the Royal Court Theatre in Liverpool in a daze.

He had been totally mesmerised by Darren Brown’s show UNDERGROUND.

Darren Brown had used variety of methods including hypnosis, memory techniques body language reading, PWA (perception without awareness) to highlight and create illusions.

All in all it was interactive, mind boggling and very entertaining.

Over the years Inderjeet had seen many of his TV shows (Mind Control, Trick of the Mind, Trick or Treat) and as a great fan always wanted to watch Darren Brown live.

He had an opportunity and grabbed it.

As he walked out of the theatre he saw that there was an organised snaked line of Liverpool’s Hackney black cabs waiting for to be hailed by the theatre revellers.

He raised his hand beckoning a driver and a cab rallied out towards him.

As he settled in the seat he gave the name of his hotel to the driver who nodded acknowledgement and cruised out into the busy night traffic.

It would be a short but slow ride.

This was his first visit to Liverpool and after watching Darren Brown’s show it would be memorable.

HOW VERY TRUE THIS WAS !!

As he reflected on the show he saw so many similarities between Darren Brown and Ajay Valiya’s techniques.

Son of an Indian Millionaire Ajay inherited his fathers brewery at a young age when his father suddenly succumbed to a heart attack.

This burden of managing the business come on him when he was still in his years of care free enjoyment.

He took it on and wanted to expand his empire and product lines based on his life mantra and lifestyle.

He wanted to rope in the youth of Emerging India which was in the stage of liberalisation quenching their thirsts with beer — bottled and draft.

He was fuelling the pub culture with his brand and products which represented excitement, youth, and camaraderie.

Being the land of Mahatma Gandhi alcohol was still taboo and alcohol advertising was banned in India

He was producing alcohol but could not advertise it.

To circumvent this problem he started producing non alcoholic product (soda, water etc) with the same brand name and started cleverly marketing his non - alcoholic products creating visuals implying the spirit of alcohol.

This was subtle and suggestive surrogate advertising, marketing and selling.

(Darren Brown ‘funda’ in action)

He spent lavishly on his advertising ideas and they clicked. People were addicted to this and fell for it hook, line and sinker.

His alcohol was selling.

He had beat the system.

Further expansion included starting a top class airline and spending lavishly on the services he provided on it without getting equivalent revenue.

He did not compromise on the quality of service that was being provided.

As a plus point he had the alcohol brand (without advertising the alcohol) flying over the sky locally and Internationally.

It was a roaring success.

However money was running out as costs outran the money that was coming in.

To bridge this gap he started taking huge loans from the Indian National Banks after bribing and keeping the ‘bank babu’s’ involved in his pocket.

The debt grew to enormous amounts and suddenly with recession and a hit to the airline sector his house of cards started collapsing.

A situation came when he could not pay salaries of his staff or buy fuel on credit to fly his planes.

After months and years of trying to save the airline he finally filed for bankruptcy of his airline venture leaving debtors and staff high and dry.

Unfortunately authorities had not confiscated his passport on time.

He flew out legally from India and came over to London.

Inderjeet was close on his heels and was confident that he could catch up with him in London.

As his cab inched towards his hotel and pulled up into the porch Inderjeet noticed a huge poster in the entrance of the well lit facade.

It advertised an exhibition in the foyer of ‘A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE — classic Indian advertising and movie posters from bygone years’

The poster had in its backdrop a picture of AMRUT FUSION whiskey bottle.

They were probably sponsoring the exhibition in the hotel.

Paying the cabbie and tipping him handsomely he walked to the quaint reception for his key.

Inderjeet completed the check-in formalities and was handed over a metallic key with 202 artistically crafted on the heavy shiny brass tag.

This was so different and unique from the magnetic cards of modern hospitality.

He was going towards the lift when he felt the urge to drink some whiskey before he went to bed (probably subconsciously beckoned by AMRUT at the entrance. (Darren Brown in action)

He asked the bell boy to leave his bag and laptop in the second floor room while he would have a drink and come up later.

He asked for the location of the bar.

On his way he saw a huge bust of Lord Vitthal and his eyes got drawn to the huge chandan tilak on the Lord’s forehead.

The boutique hotel was probably owned by an Indian or a fan of Indian art.

The foyer he had to pass was lined on one side with the exhibition — advertising posters from India.

It was a small cute poster exhibition of classic ads of Old Indian Movies and Consumer Goods and Services.

As he walked,cursory glancing at the 20 odd classic oldies mounted on exhibition display boards, he enjoyed them.

A small warm smile crept in as he recollected that he had used some of these products.

The exhibition title was apt.

He was walking down MEMORY LANE.

Hmmm !!

Neat Collection !!

Crossing the foyer he walked towards the small cosy library bar on the other end.

He entered the bar area which was vacant apart from the barman.

Ordering his scotch on the rocks he noticed a classic leather bound Lewis Carroll’s ‘Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland’ on a table beside the counter.

Grabbing it he settled down in a plush leather arm chair to enjoy his drink and go through the book — a story which he had not read for many years since being taught in school.

He set his iPhone alarm (set to - BY THE SEASIDE - ring tone) for 11.45 pm — the time he decided he should go up to his room.

This would give him about 45 minutes for his drink and a few good hours of sleep in his bed before his morning trip to Liverpool Lime Street train station to catch his train back to London Euston.

He was tired and as he flicked through the pages savouring his smokey single malt he felt the presence of someone else in the room.

He looked up from his book and there in a corner was this pretty ‘young mum looking’ Indian lady who was beckoning him.

She was standing near a Olympic type torch which was decorating the wall.

Tongues of FIRE FLAMES were leaping from it giving a great ambience to the bar.

Sitting upright he jumped on his feet when the book he was reading dropped to the floor.

Without picking it up, he approached her.

She whispered that she had information she could give him about the absconding MAGNATE as she knew his hideout.

He enthusiastically asked her WHEN and WHERE.

Holding up two fingers she replied ‘TWO MINUTES’

and asked him come out to the back entrance of the hotel.

There he would be met by a ‘MAHARAJA’

who would give him the address.

Excited and hurriedly, thanking her, Inderjeet picked up his iPhone and rushed out from the small revolving door attached to the bar.

He circumvented the hotel and came to its back entrance.

Inderjeet almost tripped over a stone.

He felt the stone moving and on closer examination realised that it was not a stone but a slow crawling TORTISE.

There was a wisp of smoke around the TORTISE.

Ooops -

Happy that it was not hurt he carefully stepped over it and continued walking.

True to the Indian mom who promised the information in 2 MINUTES — there standing at the back entrance in full pomp and show was a jovial and rotund MAHARAJA.

A portly figure dressed in regal garb with his hands pressed together in a namaskar / namaste greeted him.

Clad in a striped turban with a twirly mustache, the Maharajah was full of personality.

Inderjeet presented salutations to the Maharaja and enquired about the magnate.

The Maharaja without uttering a word pulled out a gleaming FOUNTAIN PEN and a piece of paper.

Writing something on it he slipped him the piece of expensive paper.

It had an address written out in beautiful calligraphy.

Maharaja pushed up his own left hand cuff with his right hand looked at the dial of a classic silver WRIST WATCH and reacted as if he was in a hurry.

Maharaja was now glancing at a parked SCOOTER on the kerb.

When Inderjeet lifted his head after reading the paper in the dimly lit street light he realised that the MAHARAJA was not there.

Maharaja’s sudden departure on the vehicle was accompanied by the phat - phat sound of the SCOOTER.

The streets were empty and he could not sight a single soul.

In his imagination he heard the cry ‘YAAHOO’ screamed into his ears.

Sudden realisation that he was carrying his iPhone came.

He quickly checked for connectivity and opened his YAHOO home page. (bacronym for ——Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle).

He quickly typed in the address given by the MAHARAJA on the browser address bar.

The place was in close vicinity and going there would not be a problem.

But as he was not acquainted with the terrain he would have preferred to take a cab.

Looking around he could not sight a single vehicle.

The roads were a ghost town and were absent of people or vehicles.

A brainwave in the form of GOOGLE MAPS ICON came to his mind.

He quickly opened his phone to the Google Map page and typed in the address that the MAHARAJA had given him.

ABRACADABRA !!

He had directions staring at him on the screen.

He would do it on foot.

Tapping — Begin Journey — Walking — he started walking and following the instructions.

He heard a low yelp.

Looking towards the sound he noticed a DOG looking for food into the head of a CYLINDRICAL PHONOGRAPH dumped on the street.

Shooing the dog away he continued his trek.

After a few lefts, rights and straight aheads looking down at the google map he realised he was close to his destination.

It was just on the next right at the corner of the block.

Trudging along as he neared the corner Inderjeet heard the splash of water.

There must be a leaking water pipe generating this sound he thought.

He laughed as an alternate scenario creeped up in his imagination —- it could be the absconding MAGNATE having a midnight swim and splash in his champagne filled pool —

He brushed this thought off as soon as it came and proceeded to turn at the corner.

He could not believe what he saw —

A not very revealing bikini clad beautiful girl was enjoying a splash in a pool below a not too high, or heavy WATERFALL.

Tingling in freshness, she was humming as she splashed the water around.

Sitting beside the pool was a moppet like ROUND EYED GIRL licking her lips and praying “Give us this day our daily bread“

There was a tune BY THE SEASIDE playing in the background and as the tune got louder Inderjeet got a light jostle and as he opened his eyes he saw the hotel barman who was shaking him and pointing towards his phone alarm which was ringing.

It was 11.45 pm and the phones BY THE SEASIDE ring tone was playing.

He shook his head as he realised that he must have dozed off and must have been dreaming.

The leather bound ‘Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland’ was on the floor.

Signing for his drink he exited the bar and walked back to the reception to go to the lift via the foyer.

As he crossed the poster exhibition staring at him were Indian posters of yesteryears.

Realisation slowly came that he was passing his recent encounters and characters in the advertising posters of —

MAGGI NOODLES - with the ‘mom’ saying TWO MINUTES to the kids.

(a phrase used in India to mean, “like, pretty soon,” i.e., anything from now to 20 from now)

SHOLAY - movie - with FIRE FLAMES —

Olympic torch with the tongues of fire

TORTISE MOSQUITO COIL — Kachua chap macchar agarbatti — TORTISE WITH THE WISP OF INCENSE SMOKE.

AIR INDIA — with the portly twirly moustached MAHARAJA.

PARKER 51 PEN — proud possession of generations.

Maharaja’s fountain pen.

HMT QUARTZ WATCHES — Maharajas silver wrist watch

LAMBRETTA — modern transport - Maharaja’s phatphati.

JUNGLEE - Movie - with a dancing Shammmi Kapoor and — YAAHOO — JUNGLEE IS BACK — blaring in type.

HMV (HIS MASTERS VOICE) — The dog looking into the cylindrical phonograph.

LIRIL — Poster of Karen Lunel.

THE BIKINI CLAD GIRL TAKING A SHOWER IN THE WATERFALL.

AMUL — UTTERLY BUTTERLY DELICIOUS — poster (of the first 1966 hoarding) of the BUTTER GIRL saying “Give us this day our daily bread : with Amul Butter“

He was in shock.

He was experiencing Darren Brown’s UNDERGROUND Firsthand.

He got gobsmacked when he was almost reaching the reception and saw the chandan tilak on Lord Vitthal’s forehead

The resemblance of GOOGLE MAP ICON was staring back at him.

He ran and got into the lift.

Hurriedly and shaking as he pressed his floor number on the lift car and as the doors were closing it suddenly jerked back open.

A french bearded, shoulder length wavy haired, expensively dressed, slightly inebriated gentleman entered the lift.

In the middle of the night he still wore his stylish sunglasses.

Apologising to the flabbergasted Inderjeet for the abrupt entry he wished him and drunkenly introduced himself.

HELLO !!

Hic !!

GLAD TO MEET YOU.

Hic !!

MY NAME IS VALIA.

AJAY VALIYA.

Hic Hic Hic !!

A totally zapped Inderjeet rushed to grab Ajay Valiya.

The FISH was in his sight.

The KINGFISHER had to swoop and grab the FISH in his bill.

He bumped into a lady draped in a brilliantly sparkling white saree who was helping the drunk magnate into the lift.

Looking up at her face he recognised her.

She looked just like —————

LALITA ji.

Before she could say 'Sasti cheez aur acchi cheez ....................'

Or by tapping her forehead with a finger and advising,

“Isliye SURF ki khareedari mein hi samajhdari hai” Inderjeet FAINTED.

The FISH slipped away from the bill of the KINGFISHER.